The Degenerate

I throw dice at the wall
through the long reclusive nights
gambling wih a penny
i make it...
the house always wins.

We were cards
on the river
chips finger over finger
flipping like you knew what you lived for
and it was your business
to fuck up every step of the way
like constantly stepping in shit.

Maybe im sixteen forever
with the mind of a dreamer
looking for dream
catcher.
In a sea of gambling slots
trying to accept my coin.

I swallow my vomit at least fifteen times a day
just to look back on the chances i took
and thank allah i made it here today.
Jesus is avoiding my phone calls these day.
some thorn in my side
he says.

Im
throwing rocks
at cars from roof tops
in the heart of a city
that has seen enough crying shames
we closed all the water parks.

You told me i was pretentious
i had a blog.
the truth is. i cant afford paper...
even if i could I would least of all spend it
talking shit about you.

I am the tired.
I am the cold feeling of being alone.
I am self reliance.
I am unknown.

Maybe ill be famous.