Curses and Evolution

Scattered swarm
buzzing stinging
summer breezy
vacant eyed
cromagnon ice blocked
bitter boxed
and empty bagged
pretending to be a human
going places
being.

I have time to kill
that i borrowed
from dangerous jars
under my bed
full of ghosties
and ghoulies
that disengage me

Detached thoughts
like tornadoes in your shower drain
turning in a tunnel of endless waste
asking why when im flailing my arms
hoping Final Destination XII stars an
unsuspected no-named man
riding his bike into oncoming traffic
and deaths fingers are twitching in my
already shifty gears

snatching out the lights
like the last blown bulb
in a good idea factory.

If i was stronger like you
 id be self reflecting and repaving
my new identity still
drying with empty ass prints
from the lazy kids
i get desperate enough
to let shit all over me.

Im doing my best to keep
a smile on this jagged tooth mouthpiece
killing enough beers and weed
to make a highschool party
want to cut open my rib cage
and find out where the home my heart
is snowed in is.

On some rare occasions
i feel a subtle vibration come from
an empty space where they say
your restless soul lives
in a vegan cafe
profound kind of way 
that gets pussies so wet
thinking you're deep til they get disappointed
fifteen minutes after netflix vomits some monstrosity
and you realize you just dont wanna die alone.

And now im not so sure i wanna die
with watching eyes.
 An audience or an echo are going to get me the same hell
for the things ive done
and thought
and manipulated
and maneuvered
and wrecked
and crashed
and burned for.

I will always be shipwrecked
on some fucking coast
with cracked knuckles
shifty glances
looking back fondly on the five year stretch
of handsome youth i squandered
being trusting and caring

Forged by holy fire
and jesus blood
constructed out of
hexed wood
from doomed voyages
in to the brave new world.

I am
the way i was made to be.